August 14
What my son taught me about labeling 'the other'
By Amy Yoder McGloughlinPage:
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My son came home from a week at our denomination’s local camp, with a lot of questions, and a good dose of outrage.
He had just spent the week with some kids that were quite unlike him. They were conservative, both politically and theologically. They hated Obama, and sang songs about their desire to see him removed from office. If they didn’t like something, they said, “That’s so gay.”
This — in our home — is not how we talk, and it was shocking to him.
But, in his shock and horror about his peers’ views, my son said some things that worried me: “Mom, they are so conservative and Republican.” He said these words with such intolerance.
I had to stop the conversation. The words “Republican” and “conservative” were becoming categories in his mind, boxes where he could put people, according to their worldview.
I worried aloud with him: “So what do we do? Stop talking to people because they don’t think like us?”
In reality, though we’d never talked about it, many of our family members would fit those categories he’s come to despise.
This conversation has me questioning the ways I talk about “those people” in our home. What has he learned from me about “those people”?
While my son was at camp, the Chick-fil-A story was at its height. And I was sick to my stomach all week. The divisions in our society ran deep — we had now become divided between those who ate fast food chicken on Aug. 1, and those who did not.
The categorization of people is a human reality, going back to the beginning of time. In fact, even Jesus put people in boxes.
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Comments
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Thanks for this wake-up call. It's so easy to point a finger and ask, "how can you think that and still be a follower of Jesus?" and steep ourselves in self-righteousness. I know I need the reminder to truly love.
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what is it that led you to determine as fact that the eyes of Jesus "were opened" by this woman?
boxes can be stacked to form structures (like temples or towers). but heavy boxes on top squash those on the bottom and result in a collapse (which is sometimes a gradual process). since the content of our perceived identities matter we need to seriously consider what box we spend most of our time filling.
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Check out the arc of his ministry in the synoptic gospels. There is a turn after this story from speaking mainly to his own people, to speaking also to the Gentiles.
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It's bad enough that adults have forgotten how to be civil, understanding and accepting, but it breaks my heart when children pick up on those attitudes. A few examples/suggestions:
My dad's side of the family is a bunch of opinionated, loud, convinced-they're-never- wrong, Type A personalities who come in a variety of political stripes and colors. We all agreed during a particularly heated political reunion year that politics would not be discussed! Off the table. Nada. Nichts. Nothing. We found plenty of other things to talk about! And we all went home friends!
Find a "good little thing" about the person or group you find disagreeable. You can find at least one. I promise you. Think about it when your blood pressure starts to rise.
I sometimes hum that old song, "Let there be peace on earth" because the line, "With God as our father, brothers all are we" reminds me that we are, in fact, all brothers and sisters.
Last but not least, discuss current events, such as Chick-fil-A, openly and honestly with your children. Explain why you do not agree with the position or how people are expressing themselves, but this is still a country where we all have the right to believe what we believe, say what we think, demonstrate, write letters, etc. Explain there will always be people with whom we don't agree, or may not like the way they express themselves. Encourage and answer questions; be very sure they feel safe coming to you with questions and problems. Stay calm. Initiate contact with people who are "different" from them.
I once had a junior high Sunday school class who amazed me with their eagerness to discuss current events. I was always moved by their passion, their understanding, their questions and their eventual coming to some peace with the topics we discussed. We had some heated discussions, but it was all good! We learned to agree to disagree.
Just some ideas.
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Amy Upon your son’s return home from camp, he says “Mom, they are so conservative and Republican. The flip side, we are so liberal and Democrat. The son did not pick his comments out of his own nose.
The Chick-fil-A thing was awesome. Why were you concerned about what the CEO response to a reporter’s question? This had nothing to do with the any of the employee and selling practices of the many Chick-fil-A franchises. Why were you not concerned with the bully threats against the Chick-fil-A fast food business made by certain Democratic mayors of large cities? You had the opportunity to protest by attending the planned kiss in protests on the Friday following the Chick-fil-A appreciation day on Wednesday that was so overwhelmingly successful. Thank you Chick-fil-A CEO.
You stated that fellow campers of your son hated Obama because they want him voted out. Just because people want Obama voted out is not evidence of hate. That again is your biased judgment lived in your home. It is also putting people in boxes. As an ordained minister you should know better than to take hearsay evidence of your son and conclude it is hate.
You suggest that the eyes of Jesus were initially closed and that initially he did not fully understand the request of this Gentile woman. Jesus was led to this woman by the Holy Spirit. It was not a meeting by chance. Jesus was there on a Holy Spirit led teaching and healing assignment. This mother’s faith came out of this conversation and was rewarded. Jesus simply speaks the word and the demon spirit departs from the body of the young daughter. This article is presenting false teaching about Jesus. No human or angelic being has ever presented a request to Jesus that he did not fully understand right from the start. Jesus was the divine Son of God, full of the Holy Spirit of God the Father.
You state “In fact, even Jesus put people in boxes.” If you are referring to his concern about sheep in the fold (John 10) where hirelings portray themselves as shepherds but then flee when the wolves show up, yes that, in my mind may be considered. This world has many hirelings.
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Jesus was also called the Son of Man, presumably because he was not wholly divine. If he were, doesn't that remove some of the awesomeness from his life? And, in fact, a divine being DID present him with a request he did not understand. Jesus even challenges the request, crying out, "Take this cup from me," though eventually following it with "not my will/understanding, but yours" as he went to his death.
It is dangerous to be polarizing, whether in your thoughts and actions about politics, or in pointing out one's own perceptions of others' apparent mistakes. Jesus made a clear statement about this: check out Matthew 7: 1-5. Be concerned with your own errors before you worry about others' misdeeds, and be aware that judging others means you will be judged in the same spirit!
I urge caution in communication. Check to be sure you speak in love before you speak in judgement. That's what this whole article is about.
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you wrote: "Jesus’ eyes were opened. He saw this Gentile as more than a category — unclean, heathen, pagan — and saw her as a person for whom he was sent. And this realization changed him. It changed his ministry. Jesus’ mind and ministry was changed by the other."
Wow, I am saddened that you disagree with centuries of solid teaching on this subject, namely that you seem to deny God's omniscience entirely, saying that suddenly Jesus saw things her way. Do you think there could be any other explanation for his questioning her? Take for instance the many times that Jesus asked people questions waiting for an answer from them that he already knew. Could it also be that Jesus was saying a statement or asking a question to elicit a response of faith in the person he was interacting with?
By saying this statement above, and insinuating that Jesus put people in boxes, by saying that he initially saw her as an unclean gentile woman, and that eventually his eyes were opened, you are on a slippery road to making Jesus fully human but not fully God. You have the right to do this, obviously, but you are not in accord with centuries of Christian interpretation of Scripture. And also by saying that Jesus initially saw her as an unclean gentile instead of someone made in the image of God, are you saying that Jesus had a fault - dare I even say sin - in his life? Be very, very careful. You are skating on very thin ice here.
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My, oh my, how seriously we take ourselves. In my opinion sometimes just the right amount of “good-natured needling” says things better than all the expository skills can. Such as this brief comment from the opinion line of The Wichita (KS) Eagle a few days ago. (author unknown) “Dear Religion: While you were debating what chicken sandwiches were OK to eat, I just landed on Mars. Sincerely, your friend, Science.”
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"Centuries of christian interpretation of scripture" don't really go very far in carrying an argument. Particularly when those long-held interpretations are shaky, or simply false. Just ask the original anabaptists, who came into being because they had the audacity to question and reject centuries of "christian interpretation." And skate on thin ice they did. Proudly and courageously.
As for Jesus being fully God, I ask you: Who was Jesus praying to in the Garden of Gethsemane? Himself? Do we believe in a God with a split personality, who talks to himself? I just don't buy that.
I believe in a fully human Jesus, who hung out with the wrong crowd, who grew and developed and changed his mind over time, and became more open-minded and compassionate in response to life experiences. I don't see how one can read this story about Jesus and the Gentile woman and not recognize that it gives us a glimpse into his growth process. And it's a beautiful thing, because I can relate to it. I can identify with Jesus in this story.
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Thank you for your words, Amy. We are all guilty of using these boxes more than we'd like to admit—especially when pandering to the circles where we feel most comfortable (which is likely with people who are the most like us!). Thank you for the reminder that all God's children are "worthy of the Good News."
I was captivated by your very human Jesus story. I'll have to look for that arc/change in his audience!
Thinking about Jesus learning and growing throughout his ministry reminds me of a provoking thought from a talk with the Soulforce Equality Ride folk. A transsexual woman was asked how she responds to people who criticize her gender identity from a religious standpoint, citing that it's "not natural" or "not God's intention for creation."
More powerfully than I can explain, she simply said, "When did God stop creating?"
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Thanks for the challenge and your words. Parenting is an excellent mirror of what we are unconsciously transmitting and helps us to see the places where we have yet to be transformed into the fullness that God desires for us.
I see the issues that you are raising as central to how we work at peacemaking in our culture and in our church. When we are quick to put people into categories and boxes we stop seeing them as humans deeply loved by God. Thanks for that much needed reminder.
When I was a pastor working with youth in a congregation that tended to be more "liberal" and the kids would make disparaging remarks about our then Republican President--I would challenge them to move beyond name-calling and wrestle with what it means to belong to the same body of Christ with someone they did not agree with. I would ask "how can we share Jesus' way of peace--if we can't even love someone who says he is our brother in Christ?" And now that I am the pastor in poltically conservative place--this is the same question that I ask about our current president. But even more so, I remind my congregation that if you are having trouble loving someone with a different opinion or political wordview then maybe the time has come to stop listening to talk radio and tune into the sermon on the mount. As the election draws nearer, I know that I now more than ever need the words of Jesus and not those who would seek to put others in boxes.
Thanks also for your challenging interpretation of one of the most difficult gospel passages. I still wrestle with it and feel uncomfortable with a Jesus who seems to exclduing one who is on the outside. It calls me again to sit with this text and to wrestle with it some more. I don't know what to do with your take on it particularly as I recently heard an African American colleague challenging a reading of this passage that makes Jesus out to be a "racist". She said her Christology was too high for her to accept a reading that merely sees Jesus as a product of Jewish prejudice against outsiders. She didn't want Jesus to be overlaid with racism, when Jesus is the one who brings liberation. So...I continue to listen and to wonder about this passage...but even if we disagree with God's help, I resolve not to put you in a box! :)
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Wow. What a lot of comments this article has generated. What I found most hear warming about your story Amy is that your son came to you and told you about his experiences and the two of you talked about them. That in itself t is really wonderful. I don't know how old your son is but I suspect he might be in his early to mid teens. I hope that you realize what a blessing this is to you as a parent. My sincere wish for you is that this dialoguing between the two of you will last "as long as you both shall live".
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Thanks, Robert. My boy is 11, and has lots of questions about the world and how it works. I feel so honored that he lets me in on his questions. It's a gift, and one that I do not take for granted.
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