May 09
Yes, I officiated a same-sex covenant ceremony. Yes, I would do it again.
By Joanna HaraderPage:
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Almost two years ago, I received a tentative email from a young woman asking if she could have her upcoming wedding at our church. She and her fiancée were Christian. They wanted a church wedding, and a friend had told her that she might be able to get married at Peace Mennonite Church in Lawrence, Kan.
And by the way, in case I hadn’t figured it out by the names, she was a woman. So was her fiancée.
Our church publicly states that “we welcome into the full life of the church” a broad range of people, including people of diverse sexual orientations. Our church also has a building use policy, which I sent to the young woman. I said I would want to be in touch with the minister who was officiating the ceremony.
Turns out the couple did not have a minister to officiate the ceremony. They couldn’t find a minister in their town who was willing to do it. Would I be willing?
I said what I say to couples who ask me to officiate weddings: This will be a Christian ceremony. You will need to attend pre-marital counseling sessions. Let’s meet and talk and see if this will work.
The ensuing counseling sessions, which the couple faithfully drove into Lawrence to attend, looked pretty much like other premarital counseling sessions I’ve led. Except the part where I had to explain that this ceremony would not be legally binding. Except the part where I asked what Christian community they planned to be part of as a married couple, and they said, “We quit going to any of the churches in our town because we were tired of pretending to be roommates.”
I proceeded to officiate the covenant ceremony with the support of my congregation. It was an honor for me to bear witness to the love these women had for each other. I believe my ministry with these women was a faithful expression of my calling as a pastor. It was an opportunity to open the church doors wide, to practice hospitality, to encourage human love and faithfulness, to lift up the oppressed and promote justice.
Not everyone agrees with my assessment of the situation.
My credentials have been reviewed and upheld by the Leadership Commission of the Western District Conference of Mennonite Church USA. There were dissenting opinions, but I am still an ordained Mennonite pastor. That decision came down more than a year ago. I have since moved on with my ministry, fielding only the very occasional phone calls from concerned Mennonites who want to talk about “what I did.” Most days I just pray and study scripture and plan worship and write sermons and offer pastoral care and don’t get anywhere near a gay wedding.
Then, a couple of days before my sabbatical began, I received a phone call from our conference minister. He wanted to let me know about two resolutions that would be coming to the delegate floor at the Western District Conference Assembly this summer. The email containing the resolutions was going out later that day to all WDC pastors and churches.
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Comments
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Cheering you from outside the church walls. You did what was right.
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As a gay Christian who has been part of the Mennonite Community for a short 9 years, I thank you for the grace you have shown this couple and others in the LGBT community. I love my Mennonite Church but I am not fully open there for fear. I long for the day that I can worship freely with my brothers and sisters in Christ and say without shame that I am gay. In our state marriage is not possible, but I am partnered. How nice it would be to share church together with him!
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Rev. Harader, if I ever find my way back to the church, it will be because of people like you and your congregation who teach and act as Jesus taught and acted. God bless you, and all the best.
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I don't understand why the gay group has to hijack the Mennonite Church. There are other churches that already will let the gays get married. As for Joanna Harader, what are you going to tell Jesus when he asks why you did that? And if Joanna wants to study scripture, why don't you study Leviticus 18:22, Romans 1:26-27, 1 Corinthians 6:9, Genesis 2:24, Corinthians 7:2-16, and Ephesians 5:23-33. I know you will find lot of excuses not to follow this scriptures. Praying that you will change!!!!!
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It will be a shame if Joanna's credentials are suspended.
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Thanks Rev. Joanna! My prayers are with you in the coming months.
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Rev. Harader, I just read your blog and was very touched by its honesty and your courage to do what Jesus would do in a similar situation. My husband & I have not yet joined the Mennonite church that we attend, but were drawn there by their statement of being a church who welcomes all, including whatever sexual orientation. We have felt very much at home with this group of loving, peaceful folks. We will be praying for you and your family, as this must be quite stressful for you.
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As the only heterosexual single female attendee at Ames Mennonite Church in 1988, I was thrust into the center of this stuff. I shouldn't have been so naive, when I attended Allentown Mennonite Church earlier in that decade, my father was a member of some council that was deciding on the fate of the oldest Mennonite Church in America...Germantown. What dismays me is that we are still engaged in this strife.
When the gluttons at the next after service potluck put down their forks for a few minutes, and ponder the wisdom of cherry picking the gospel, perhaps then it will become clear. We are all sinners in some way or fashion.
It is our brotherhood and sisterhood in emulating Christ that binds us together. My mother claims she was the first girl to cut her covering strings at LMH. She survived. The church will survive this, too.
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John B, thank you for your comments.
I wonder if Joanna can state from her knowledge of the Bible if the lesbians she officiated the same sex marriage are one flesh in the eyes of God the same as if a man and woman were united in a marriage ceremony?
It is quite likely that Joanna could officiate at a polygamy marriage ceremony of Anabaptists and the Western District Conference would not question it because her church publicly states that “we welcome into the full life of the church” a broad range of people, including people of diverse sexual orientations. That statement would also include Anabaptists who practice prostitution for a living, those shacking up and those who live in nudist colonies.
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The unacknowledged fact is that same-sex weddings officiated by Mennonite pastors are becoming more common, and that trend will only grow. I’m an ordained Mennonite pastor and I welcome this movement although I acknowledge it is hard for many older people (and some younger) who have not personally known many people who are gay. And it will be truth-tellers, like Pastor Haradar and others, who speak honestly and openly about their experiences and convictions, that will help us make this Spirit-led transition.
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Considering that polygamy was the biblical definition of marriage in the book of Genesis, I don't know where reactionary christians get off declaring that the ONLY legitimate form of marriage is one man and one woman. I would challenge them to quote the chapter and verse where God changed his mind and declared polygamy to be invalid. God, who is as big and wide and open as the Universe, certainly does not limit humans from making any creative marriage arrangements they desire, whether they be single-partner or multiple-partner. We need some polyandry pioneers, in my opinion. We also need to stop going to the bible for advice on these kinds of issues, as if the bible is the final word on what's true. The abolitionists had to ignore the bible to do their anti-slavery work, because there are no anti-slavery passages in the bible (quite the opposite, in fact). Thanks to those bible-ignoring folk, everybody today recognizes slavery to be wrong. Similarly, it doesn't matter what the bible says or doesn't say about gays or about marriage. The rightfulness of gay marriage is self-evident to all thoughtful modern people.
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I support you for loving as Jesus loves .......
Duane
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I am proud of Joanna for many reasons, certainly for her original decision (and her congregation's decision) to follow the leading of the Spirit to perform this ceremony, but also for her willingness to engage in dialogue with those who disagree with her and have at times even been rather hateful towards her.
And I know many others feel the same way about her, even here in Oklahoma.
James M. Branum
Minister of Peace & Justice
Joy Mennonite Church
Oklahoma City -
On such a happy day, on a day when President Obama helped us make a huge stride toward "the arc of the moral universe . . . [which] bends towards justice," there's still so much sadness and inequality. How can it be fair or right that the majority is allowed to vote to determine the rights of the minority (Ex. North Carolina yesterday)? This is wrong on so many levels, and basically the same thing is happening in MC USA. We're with you, Pastor Joanna, we're with you.
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For those who like to point out the various "clobber verses" in the Bible which supposedly pertain to homosexuality, I would urge a first-hand, objective study from the original languages. You might be very surprised at what you do (and do not) find. For those who continually reference polygamy as the obvious next step to "this madness". Polygamy was and still is the norm in a variety of middle eastern cultures, and more importantly was the norm in the Old Testament culture of the Bible. I am not gay, but I have a sibling who is, who has been harassed and vilified to the point to being driven from any desire for a relationship with the Lord. Last time I checked, Jesus had not told us to hate and harass, but to love. Let any of us without sin cast the first stone....interesting that in the case of the woman caught in the very act of adultery, the ONLY person present who could have thrown stones did not. Could we not learn from this example?
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Leviticus 18:22
Unlawful Sexual Relations
22 You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination. -
My friend was in a committed same sex relationship for over 25 years. When his mate died the family locked him out of the residence while he was at the funeral home making arrangements. The short of the story is that he could not even get his own clothing ... let alone a portion of an inheritance worth several million. Under the law he had NO rights. He became homeless. Is this justice? I do not know about gay rights??? Seems like these people do not even have basic human rights. Fight for basic human rights for all people.
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Thank you, Rev. Harader. Thank you for clinging to love rather than exclusion. Thank you for being a wife and a mother and a pastor who is trying to follow Jesus the best you can. Thank you for not backing down. Peace to you as you feel the harsh winds.
Blessings to you!
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Rev. Harader,
Proud to be in ministry with you in this denomination.
Keep up the good fight.
Rev. Hugh Hollowell (MCUSA)
Director, Love Wins Ministries -
Thank you for your courage and integrity, Pastor Harader. Fundamentally, thank you for simply following and modelling the Way of Jesus. My soul was blessed when you took the time to pray with me during a difficult time at the MCUSA Pittsburgh convention last year. Blessings!
Randy Spaulding, former pastor of the Covenant Mennonite Fellowship
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It is important to hear Rev. Harader's own voice and perspective amidst all the others.
And it would be good if all of us got better educated about what actually developed within the history of the wider Christian church "When Same-Sex Marriage Was a Christian Rite" - and then did some thoughtful reflection on what has brought us to the current impasse!
http://anthropologist.livejournal.com/1314574.html
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My gay brother (who died almost eleven years ago) never gave up on the Menn. Church, which for all practical purposes, had given up on him. Your actions would mean a lot to him. And they mean a lot to me.
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