July 23, 2012 issue
Why are we doing all the work?
By Sarah KehrbergPage:
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There she had to do hard work from morning till night, get up before daybreak, carry water, light fires, cook and wash. — Cinderella, The Brothers Grimm
Kehrberg
Although there are studies that “prove” it, parents already know we do too much for our children. We do their homework, pack their lunch, oversee their future college resumes.
Selfishly, what concerns me most is the housework.
Tonight, after getting the baby to sleep, I was welcomed back into the kitchen by a counter full of supper dishes. My daughters were in the living room watching Mary Poppins.
I looked at those dirty, mocking dishes and at the same time heard “chim chim cher-ee” from the next room. I became angry in the I’m-going-to-throw-the-toaster-oven-across-the-room way.
Why were two able-bodied kids lounging while their mother faced the dishes alone? More to the point, why had I given them permission to do so?
I didn’t handle the situation well. I stormed in, shut down the movie and ordered my bewildered 8- and 6-year-olds into the kitchen. The dishes got done, but no one had fun.
This seems to be a pattern: catering to my children and then erupting in fatigued anger.
Maybe we don’t expect our kids to learn the art of housekeeping because we ourselves have abandoned it. A culture of Stouffer’s lasagna doesn’t make for inspired young chefs.
Or, perhaps unconsciously, we shield our daughters from housework because we consider it demeaning. Girls pushing vacuum cleaners is so 1950s. Our daughters have more important things to do.
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Comments
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" In the short term it is quicker and easier if I do most everything."
I battle this every. single. day. But in the long run, you are right: it is worth it to. Well said--all of it!
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I never had children, so you can take this with a grain of salt. Mom, my sister and I always did the dishes together - one washed, one rinsed and one dried. We laughed and sang and told stories and made it fun. I was not allowed to leave the house unless my bed was made, even though I whined every day, "Just shut the bedroom door, then you don't have to look at it." I was the oldest child of a farm family, so I helped Dad chore after school and we ran that cornpicker until dark during harvest. But somehow my parents made it fun, and Mom always said, "Let's do the icky things first," a great rule I still follow. I don't know where that attitude went, but their lessons served me well, particularly in my work life. And we still had plenty of time to play! Thanks, Mom and Dad!
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