June 11, 2012 issue
Picking out gifts for ourselves
By Sarah KehrbergPage:
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Myra Gillis had 37 doilies when she was married, and I’m determined I shall have as many as she had. — Diana Barry in Anne of Avonlea
Kehrberg
I am a poor gift giver. I don’t mind spending money, but I dislike shopping and avoid spending time searching for an appropriate symbol of my love, appreciation or obligation (whichever applies).
As a gift recipient I like to get what I like.
I am hardly unique on either count. Hence, the rise of the registry.
We all know how the gift registry works. There are certain events where gifts are expected: weddings, baby showers, graduation. In anticipation, the “to-bes” go to stores and make a list of the items they want. This register is made public and updated as items are purchased.
I registered when I got married and have used others’. The benefits are obvious. It is more convenient for the giver, and there is absolutely no disappointment for the receiver.
“Showering” those we love with gifts is not simply an obligatory tradition. We recognize that a young couple cannot afford to get all the material things necessary for making a home. We realize that preparing for a baby is expensive. There is a need, and many credit cards make light work.
Buying each other stuff is part of what makes us a faithful community. Sometimes I wonder what the act of dictating our own gifts does to our communities and ourselves.
Now that we control the gift list, we shield ourselves from the 12 toasters and the pig-shaped cookie jar. However, we create a new vulnerability: our inexperienced, acquisitive selves.
Young lovers zipping around the store with the little beep-beep gizmo are like children in a candy shop. They are at the mercy of both their whims (Hello Kitty rice cooker) and the “must haves” (various wine stemware).
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Comments
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Only a couple of weeks ago my fiancée and I finished making our registries - two national stores actually, to make sure that everybody could access one or the other and that there was a range of price points. I think you've basically painted the picture of what we felt (and feel). It's a bit of a lose-lose situation.
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Too bad we can't just be happy with "presence" instead of insisting on "presents." I have long refused to cooperate with this nonsense. Instead, I simply pick up things I happen on that I think friends and family might like or be able to use, no matter the day or the year or the occasion. The fun of finding and the surprise of the thought is a hoot for all of us.
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I read your column each issue. In a marginal way I relate to gift registration "gift" giving these days. You identify apt reasons for its creation and popularity.
When we receive invites from those we know well, an appropriate gift is not a difficult choice. It is the social and business relationships more distant that become more problematic--often a polite and "politically correct" response is all that is offered and expected.
I recall a generation ago (before the advent of malls and computer regestrations) the standard in polite gifting was RECYCLING the clear glass party tray with about a half dozen little cups shaped oval, or artistic variation thereof. It came in a square box with a nice wrapping--often box never opened from a number of previous gifting occasions. But it was a symbol of friendship and acknowledged receipt of the invition.
Am told the "Glass Party Tray" is no longer accepted for distribution in local MCC Save n Serve shops. It represents a good idea scorned.
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